What’s in a name

When I look through some of the bits and pieces from hospital, his red book, his bracelets etc one thing jumps out looking at them all; “Baby boy”.

It took 6 days to name my baby. I doubt there are many parents that debated over names as thoroughly as me and Matthew in those 6 days. Amidst the pumping and pipette feeding there was a continuous theme of conversation; what shall we name him. Midwifes continually came in with looks of anticipation “so, have we got a name yet?”. It started to become a mammoth task.

We had wrote lists upon lists before he was born, lists of names for the boy we thought he would be. But the baby we had was not the baby that we had imagined, I no longer could imagine the man he’d become my previously rational thoughts and hopes had shattered in my mixture of guilt and anxiety. “You do know that Jonah is bad luck?” I’d laughed at the statement when it had been said originally, it hadn’t seemed important before. But now it could no longer be his name. I didn’t want anyone to make a connection, to look at his hands and think he had been unlucky. “Jacob is very popular at the minute”. It too was crossed off the list. I didn’t want him to be one of several in his class; to be the ‘Jacob with the small hand’. Ethan and Noah went the same way. The list dwindled and dwindled.

Suddenly his name took on a gravity that it hadn’t before. Obviously the name you give any baby will always be important but this name felt like it had to be perfect. “He needs a strong name because he’ll need to be a strong person” said Matt, tears in his eyes. A name strong enough to inspire him, a name grow in to and to live up to. A name that could define him almost as much as his small hand.

Ivan Harrower.

There is no denying that Ivan itself is a strong sounding name, it is powerful and determined. One that is of a proud leader. But Ivan is also the Russian John; John like his brother Joshua John, like his dad John Matthew, like his grandfathers John and Brinley John, and so importantly to me like his great grandfather. A man who was the ultimate in strength and pride. Ivan has a name to look up to, a name representing big shoes to fill. We chose the russian variance because in my family it is unique just like my little John; my Ivan. Harrower comes from my mother and grandmother, women so powerful and determined, kind and strong. His name has within it the legacy of all the people before him. Stories to inspire him in the person he will become. Stories of strength and determination, of love and pride. A name to grow into and live up to. A name that is unapologetically strong and undeniably sentimental. It may not everyones idea of perfect but it’s perfect for him.

Ivan means god is gracious or a gift from god. Ivan is a gift. He was a gift for me and Matthew; a gift we gave each other. A gift created out of love. A love that grew when Ivan was born a love that made me stronger, more determined and more proud. They have made me a better person; happier person. It once seemed so important that Ivan would be strong, so that he could face his future with determination and pride. I’m now sure that not only will he do that but that we all will do it together. I’m no longer of the belief that his strength needs to be reflected in his name. But you know what? It’s not a bad place to start…